If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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