After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
