So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
