a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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