I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
