Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize