how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
