he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
im six kinds of drunk right now
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
