This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
