Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
