OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
