I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
