No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
