note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Randomize
