Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
