I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It all started with a game of naked twister.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
