I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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