If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
