can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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