so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
