Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
