I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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