dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
