Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You can't just leave with hair like that
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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