1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
