You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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