you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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