We named our party play list daddy issues
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
