i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
