forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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