my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My dick has a subreddit
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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