Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
