i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
