I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize