and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
