I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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