Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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