Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
