Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
