somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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