I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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