arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
