This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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