shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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