The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
