i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
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