Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
