Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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