Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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