My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
