So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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