I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
it hurts more in the daytime
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
