If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
