Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
