Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
