someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
