I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize