you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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