I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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