once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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