I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
