when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You just made me feel so damn special
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
