Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
