Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
