Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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