I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
