bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
