I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Girls should come with a carfax report
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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