We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
