The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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