If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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