"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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