Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
