I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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