It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
