Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
jump out the window naked night went bad
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
