What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
