so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
