It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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